Category: Paraphrases

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Jesus’ TED Talk #4: Be like unto Katie

Ruling in my kingdom means being a hospitable space for Katie to be Katie and for you to be you. But if instead you introduce Katie to the global Game of rivalry and hate, it would better for you to sleep with the fishes in concrete shoes. Woe to the world for the games it wants to play with Katie! Woe to the advertisers who will teach her to despise herself so that she will buy their products! Woe to the politicians who will turn Katie into just another hate-cog for their political machines! Woe to that sicko who lures Katie into The Game.

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Jesus’ TED Talks

This is a much-loved series of posts I wrote for Patheos.com, in which I re-imagine Jesus’ five big sermons as TED Talks, in which he Educates people in God’s new Design for a world that runs on the Technology called love.  TED talk #1: Re-think civilization (Matthew 5-7) TED talk #2: When you love the wrong people (Matthew 11) TED talk #3: How God is like a crazy farmer (Matthew 13) TED talk #4: Be like unto Katie (Matthew 18) TED talk #5: When the Capitol is surrounded by armies (Matthew 24)  

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John 16.20-28 – Face-to-face with Papa

You will weep while the crowds cheer.  But your grief will give way to joy. (21) Giving birth is painful, but the pain is nothing compared to the joy of having a new baby. (22) You will have pain, but when I see you again on the third day, you will have joy, and no one will be able to take it away from you. (23) On that day, you will not ask me for things.  Instead, you will ask Papa in my name, and she will give to you.  (24) This will be a change from how things were...

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Matt 6.19-20 – An insider investment tip

I have an insider investment tip for you:  Your 401(k) isn’t as solid as you think; it’s tied up in assets that have no future, so get out now.  Earth, Inc. is getting taken over by New Creation Corp.  It’s a done deal, but most people don’t know about it yet.  In the end, New Creation will be the only stock worth owning anyway, and it’s 100% guaranteed against depreciation and theft. It’s time to start dealing in the currency of the future – Love.

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John 2.13-17 – Jesus cleans house

Jesus traveled to Jerusalem for Passover. (14) But the temple courtyard wasn’t a place of prayer anymore; it had been turned into a tacky religious currency-exchange-slash-cattle-auction. (15) Luckily, Jesus knew how to deal with out-of-place creatures.  First, he MacGyver-ed a homemade whip out of materials lying around.  Then, cracking the whip over his head, he quickly herded the cattle and sheep out into the city streets (much to the consternation of the auctioneers).  He pushed over the currency exchange kiosks, scattering money all over the ground. (16) To the pigeon-peddlers he said “Take your business to someplace where it belongs....

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How to talk to Papa (Matthew 6.9-13)

Hi, Papa. I’m so happy you’re the one who’s running things. You are wonderful to me; there’s no one quite like you.  I can’t wait for the day when the whole world will know you fully and happily work at your side.  But in the meantime, take care of my needs today.  Help me to share in your cheerful love for me and for everyone, despite the bad choices we will make today. Help me to respond wisely to today’s little trials, so that they won’t grow into big trials for tomorrow. Help me not to believe lies today. You rock.

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John 1.42-51 (Thursday) – Phil and Nate

DAY FOUR:  Jesus decided to pack up and start home to Galilee (He had a wedding to go to).  That was when he met Phil: “Come with me” (44) Phil (and Andy and Pete) lived in Galilee too, Bethsaida to be exact. (45) He went to tell their buddy Nate: “Dude, we found him—‘The One’ Moses and the prophets wrote about—It’s Jesus, that guy from Nazareth!” “My dear Philip, when good things come, they are usually classy enough to come from places that aren’t Nazareth.  Duh.” “Just come see!” (47) When Jesus saw Nate, he said: “Ah yes, Nate!  There’s...

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John 1.35-41 – (Wednesday) Andy, John, and Pete

DAY THREE:  John, with two of his students, (36) saw Jesus again and shouted: “Check it out—the Lamb from Papa, the One!” (37) When the students heard this, they went over to Jesus: (38) “What’s up?” Jesus said. “Where’s your camp, Boss? Can we come over?” (39) “Come see.” So they hung out with him that day, until about 4pm.  (40) One of them, Andy, (41) immediately afterward ran to tell his brother Simon: “The One!  We have found him!” (42) He brought Simon to Jesus, who looked up and said:  “You’re John’s son, Simon, right?  From now on, your...

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John 1.29-34 – (Tuesday) Sarayu’s new home

DAY TWO: John saw Jesus and said: Today is the Big Announcement.  The One I’ve been talking about, the Lamb provided by Papa herself, the One who breaks the back of the world’s brokenness… Here he is!  Yes, that guy right there, the one with the hair! (30) He is the one I was talking about when I said “I come before the One who’s a bigger deal than me because he came before me.” (31) For a long time, I myself did not know he was the One, but announcing him to you today is the one reason why...

John 1.19-27 – (Monday) Who’s Johnny? 0

John 1.19-27 – (Monday) Who’s Johnny?

DAY ONE: When the Jerusalem Religionazis asked John who he was, (20) he was very clear: “I am not The Messiah.” (21) “Are you Elijah?” “Nuh-uh.” “Are you ‘The Prophet’?” “Nope.” (22) “Well who ARE you then? We need an answer. (23) “I am the voice of one calling in the wilderness, ‘Make straight the way for the Lord.’” (24-25) “So you’re not the Messiah, Elijah, or the Prophet. Then why are you immersing people as if you are?” (26) “I immerse people in water, and somehow that makes you think I’m a big deal.  But there is someone right...